Terrible TV, I Love You

 

It’s true. For every five marquee, prestige, cult, critically praised and under-watched shows I watch and love, I have a beloved show that is, by every measure, terrible. I watched every episode of Instant Star on Teen Nick; my children roundly criticized me for the year I watched, with devoted dedication, Toddlers and Tiaras; in addition to watching the originals in reruns as a child, I eagerly tuned in to reconfigurations of The Brady Bunch.

 

For a while now, I’ve been sticking to the good side of what TV has to offer, but recently, I became aware of a deliciously awful supernatural genre soap opera, Shadowhunters, and I’m addicted.

 

Shadowhunters is based on a series of books called The Mortal Instruments, written by Cassandra Clare. The story is about a young woman named Clary Fray, who finds out on her 18th birthday that not only did she get into the Brooklyn Academy of Art, but that she comes from a supernatural group of people with powers, beholden to protect the “mundanes” (but also pretty snotty about their superiority over said mundanes). Clary finds this out after her mother gets kidnapped and her home is destroyed and all of sudden some scary demons are after her.

 

All the supernatural folks – this includes the Shadowhunters and the “downworlders”, which include werewolves, vampires and fairies – are trying to find the Mortal Cup, which allows the holder (who apparently must be the leader of a gang of fellow Shadowhunters, werewolves, vampires, and fairies) to control the Shadow world. This involves making more Shadowhunters, and I’m not sure how that helps any of the other supernatural folks, but….the show doesn’t care, so I’ll let it go.

 

There are two terrible things about this show off the bat.

  1. The acting. Some of the actors are adequate. The young woman who plays Clary, sadly, is not one of them. Perhaps she’ll improve with time, but my hopes are dim for the beautiful to look at but inadequate at expressing feelings or enunciating words Matthew Daddario, who plays Alec Lightwood, a stunningly attractive block of wood who appears to have something similar to an idea that he is uncomfortable with, which is his attraction to Magnus Bane, a warlock played by Harry Shum, who I hope will dance for us at some point.
  2. The writing. It doesn’t make any sense. Nothing makes sense. Everyone is in a panic and running around all the time, no one thinks or plans. It’s just bad. At least they don’t have run-on sentences like the one I had in point one, so kudos for that. And really, they don’t need to have good writing…

 

…because the soapy side of the equation is so compelling. Beautiful young people in proximity to danger! Barely dressed beautiful young people! There will be making out! And I assume sex, at some point, but we haven’t gotten there yet.
So, Shadowhunters, I’m all in, even though this show is objectively not good. I’ll be watching every not good minute.

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SYTYCD Top 8 and Elimination

Last show before 2 week summer vacation! Toy Repair! Ain’t Playing With Ya by District 9. Everyone is a toy! Tate is a ballerina, Tahani is front and center. Kida gets a moment. I can’t tell who is who except for JT because he’s the smallest. Cat Dealy is sparkly. That was choreographed by Pharcyde and Phoenix. Tonight the kids will dance with each other and with their all-start. Cat intros the jidges, you know who they are (talking to myself, since I’m pretty sure no one else will read this).

 

Gabby and Emma work with Anthony Morigerato again. Pure tap, push technique to the limits. Maddie said he’s a great choreographer. They are shaking the building. Walk Like An Egyptian by The Puppini Sisters! Hey, my a cappella group does that! Cool lighting! These kids are learning how to work the cameras, for sure. The dance was terrific. Nigel said they were made for each other. Compliments to the choreographer – no gimmicks, just tap technique. Paula says she is prime for television, she’s a star. Maddie agrees, thought the whole routine was just great. Jason says she’s getting greater and greater, because she’s focused on getting better.

Jason has a new song which is part of the movie Storks and I don’t care enough to keep writing about it.

 

Tahani & Comfort worked with Tabitha and Napoleon. Narrative based hip hop. Comfort is the mom, Tahani is the daughter, and husband/dad walked out. There is a wall between them, they have to feel each other through the wall. Maddie said it will be cool to see them do an emotional piece. Set to I’m Going Down by Rose Royce. I don’t like the spinning camera work here, because I want to see them both at once. Tahani is the better actress of the two. Nappytabs are happy, standing O. Cat got chills. Paula offers congrats to choreographer, Tahani is crying. This is her favorite performance by Tahani. Perfect pairing. Maddie agrees, she can relate to the dance, their commitment is insane, Tahani brings something extra. Jason loves the vulnerable side of hip hop. Nigel is amazed by how much emotion can come out of a hip hop piece. Tahani gives 100% always, and she’s one of his favorite.

 

National Dance Day thing.

 

Ruby and Paul do a Paso Doble with Jean Marc Generaux. Ruby is excited, it’s a fight. JM says not a fight, but a confrontation. We’ll see who comes out on top. Paul says if it was a real fight, Ruby would win. Maddie is excited for Ruby to show this style. Music is Echelon by Jack Trammell. Nice opening pose, nice lighting (seriously, the lighting folks are killing it this season). Her face is kind of weird in this one, it’s hard to see her expressions, and it appears her hair is kind of falling apart, but the dancing looks good. Jidges are standing. Maddie loves Jean Marc, and says YG are a phenomenal pair together. Jason says she is fighter, there were beautiful lines. Her hair *is* falling apart. Nigel agrees, formidable JM. Superb to Paul, and he gives Ruby credit because Paul has to keep up with her. Paula says it was an aggressive, hard routine, and she handled it well. She’s enjoying watching Ruby perform.

 

Jordan and Jake joined Pharcyde and Phoenix in a drumline hip hop routine. Jake can’t smile in this one, which is hard for him. The song is Bad Man by Missy Elliott, et.al. Ruby is sharper but Jake is holding his own, some cool moves in the choreo. Jordan carries Jake over to Cat. Jason thought it was fun, a lot of moments. He could tell Jordan feels more comfortable but Jake has some swag in him, too. Nigel says Jake had him hype, it was dope and fresh. Jake has to get down more, get Comfort to show him the stank personality. He says it’s great to see Jordan’s personality coming out. Paula says there have been no bad routines, they are all doing well, Maddie totally agrees.

 

Milky Way, I believe that is the dumbest commercial I’ve ever seen. Fire your advertising agency.

 

Tahani and JT are doing the cha cha, with Emma and Sasha. They are playing models on the red carpet.  Difficult footwork, and JT wants to show that he’s well rounded. Bom Bom Sam and the Womp. Jt can in fact shake his hips. Tahani is acting the crap out of it. It’s very cute and I’d wager better than many of the adult dancers have done when they tried to dance chacha out of their style. Nigel asks how many ballroom lessons, JT said he’s had 10 lesson, Tahani says maybe 7. Neither one of them really have it. They need to get more of the basics, he gives some constructive criticism regarding his derriere. Cat likes his little butt. Paula says she can’t keep her eyes off of them, they could see the lack of training but so enjoyable to watch them, and they’re going to keep improving. Maddie ITAs, thinks they will be great with more practice, but thought their performance made up for any technique issues. Jason’s proud of them.

 

Jordan dances with Sasha, a Sean Cheeseman piece, inspired by his father, who is very sick. They want to do justice to it. Jordan needs to focus more. She wants to make him proud. Maddie is confident that Jordan will get it. Sean hopes his dad can see the dance. Set to Amazing Grace by Harlem Gospel Choir. Wind machine, they are both visions in white. Some nice connections. Cool lift and the end is lovely. Paula thought the routine was beautiful, they shined, and this is her genre and she was gorgeous, lots of emotion. Maddie said it was beautiful, the simplicity, and Jordan was great. Jason congrats them for dancing to an a cappella song, said they seemed like one being at various points. Nigel said Sasha must be pleased with her choice. The compliment each other beautifully, she’s finding the emotions. Sasha is so proud of her.

 

KFC’s advertising department is on drugs, probably.

 

Jake & Jenna do Jive with Jean Marc. It’s a football themed jive, naturally. Lots of tricks, very technical. Maddie says wow. Dance is a full contact sport. The music is Land of 1000 Dances by the great Wilson Pickettt. Jake is jiving with actual football gear on.  Everyone seems pleased with it. Maddie loved Jean Marc’s choreo, Jakes partner work gets better every week – the partnered cartwheel was special. Jason says Jake brings something exciting and fun to watch. Jason wants his football jersey. This is where he shines, it’s uplifting. Paula says they’re a great couple and he’s very enjoyable to watch as a performer.

 

Emma and Tate do a Broadway number with Sean Cheeseman. They are troublemakers in detention. They aren’t allowed to be cute in this number, it’s all about being tough. They sing Trouble from Smokey Joe’s Cafe, a fun little blues riff. Schoolgirl uniforms. It’s cute, they aren’t totally in sync with each other, though. Jason thanks Sean for the choreography. They were outside of their element, they put their all in, it was fun to watch, but it wasn’t their best ever. Nigel thought they sat nicely in the groove of the music. Paula, really cute, they had fun, she could see it in School of Rock or something (is it because of the school uniforms and the music? Gosh, what a leap to make!). Maddie loves the routine, and it showed how versatile they are in different styles.

 

Ruby and Kida are working with Mandy Moore on a contemporary piece about looking to one another for help and support. She wants it to beautiful and emotional. They have to find the connection even though they are both out of their styles. They are dancing to Over the Rainbow by Shawn MacDonald. Beautiful lighting again. Ruby looks very comfortable, but Kida is actually doing an amazing job of feeling the style. It’s really lovely and sweet and I’m impressed with both of them. Standing O. Kida is emotional. Nigel said they danced beautifully, he thinks Kida is a joy, he’s growing. Nigel says to think about his breathing, choreograph his breathing. Ruby he felt all the way through. They were beautiful. Paula says that’s how it’s done, she was swept away, she didn’t see them as children, but as two beautiful dancers. She’s impressed and proud of Kida. Ruby takes her breath away, her lines were exquisite, and she loves Mandy’s choreography. Maddie – YG are phenom dancers, lines were gorgeous. Jason said they seemed like they were in their element even when they’re outside their element. Suggests Kida points his toes more.

 

All Stars with Tyce Diorio routine to A Star In A Stoneboat by the Kevin Keller Trio. I guess they’re in a snowglobe? Is there snow on stage or is that just an effect for TV? Looks like it’s actually there. As usual with Tyce it’s kind of a mess, too much happening at once. He’s not my favorite.

 

JT and Robert dance with Mandy Moore on a jazz number. The choreography is just about celebrating the dynamic duo. JT says he has to push harder. Maddie says it’s good to see him smile after a couple of weeks of more emotional routines. Friend Like Me from Aladdin by Ne Yo, it’s really cute and JT is great. Robert throws him way up in the air at one point. Paula said if you’re having a bad day, watch that routine over and over again. She said she could see that in a Broadway show. Maddie says they were great, they always wow her. Jason says he was in his element and it was amazing and fun to see. Nigel says they are great together, great partnership. He said to check out Shirley Temple & Bojangles, they have that kind of magic together.

Kida and Fikshun and Misha Gabriel, they are funky bees, better than the rest of the hive. Maddie has glasses and antenna. She says they like to misbeehive. The Buzz by Heritude, et al. Fikshun has a little of the groove at the beginning. It’s pretty fast moving and there is a very cool assisted flip. Really fun routine. Misha is happy. Harry Potter meets Bug’s life. Maddie loved it, so amazing. Jason says entertainment at its finest. Nigel Un-BEE-lievable, there will be social media buzz. Paula says great job, keep it going. Teamwork makes dreamwork. They show off their special handshake.

Tate and Kathryn and Travis Wall. It’s going to be complex, Kathryn is her birth mother, but she doesn’t have her shit together. Maddie says she has to pull from something she hasn’t experienced before. Travis said he would have done this with adult dancers. Set to She Used to be Mine, Sara Bareilles (it’s a song from her music for the musical Waitress). Tate is so strong. It was beautifully done, but honestly, I was told it would rip my heart out, and I didn’t feel it. Jason says amazing piece by Travis Wall, accomplished what you wanted. Nigel thanked Sara Bareilles TAte is so wonderful. Kathryn is one of the best actresses she’s ever had, that means a lot, she can learn that from Kathryn. Paula says Travis’ chore is like a voice that heals. Tate is a gift, she has become an emotionally connected exquisite. Maddie Travis is incredible, she thinks this might be the best dance of the compe. She is proud of Tate. Well done.

 

Bottom 2 will be going home tonight. I’m going to guess Ruby and Jordan or Ruby and Jake. Nope. Jordan and Jake. I’m bummed about Jordan. Jake is still smiling but he’s not happy. I hate this part!

Ads I Hate

The CT State Lottery has been this commercial for Keno, which is brand new to CT, and I have an irrational rage deep inside every time I see it. Is it the jaunty music? Is it the fact that everyone in the ad is 100 years younger than the average age of a Keno player? Is it the weird stop motion movements?

SYTYCD: TNG Top 10 and Elimination

Didn’t catch the song or artist, but it was something about nachos. Bollywood with the top 10 and all-stars. JT is a little bit of a star towards the end with a great tumbling sequence. It’s Bollywood, not as complex as some others we’ve had, just fun and fast moving. Choreo by Nakul Dev Mahaj, who would have guessed?

 

Cat wishes their director a happy bday and then intros the judges and I don’t really care about their opinions, so I’m just focused on how sparkly Cat is. Oh, wait, Twitch is sitting in for Derulo! I care again! Jordan and Ruby are teamed up. Ethnic jazz with choreo by Sean Cheeseman. He  says they are the breath of life. Jordan tells us the choreo is crazy, fast, requires strength, falling, and scary. They will need a lot of energy. Jordan’s stamina needs a break. The song is Breath Connect Us All Professor Trance and The Energizers.  Some Tayeh like poses in the choreo, not totally in sync but good power on display. Ruby seems to be completing the moves more fully than Jordan. Twitch: he loves the wardrobe, and the stamina stood up, looked dope. Nigel: congrats Cheeseman, love the outfits, he loves how Jordan’s personality is coming out, and says Ruby’s has already been out. Terrific. Paula impressed with the intricate isolated moves made with such power. Was not easy. Maddie: Amazing, so good, so so good YG are fun to watch. The ladies like their costumes.

 

The kids saw the new Ice Age, and they ask Sheaden what he thinks. He finds awkward silence funny. All the kids are going to tell bad jokes, I’m just going to skip those. Sheadan loves Scrat the most. He relates. Treasure by Bruno Mars comes on, and we see Marko and Shaeden. Nice little groove, good expression from Sheaden. It was a very short snippet, though!

 

Tate tells a bad joke. She likes people with personalities. Tate and Kathryn dance to Don’t Panic by Clarify. It’s contemp angst, but they have great synchronicity. And Tate doesn’t look so sad this time! Beautiful makeup for both of them.

 

JT and Emma w/Nappytabs. Willie Wonka themed hip hop. Maddie gives them good advice about layers. Emma is better than JT. He’s okay but not as hard hitting as the tiny tapper. It ends with JT yelling “Make it rain” and a bunch of colored balls (representing candy, I guess) falling from the sky. Cat wants to keep the sparkly top hat, and she should, because it totally goes with her sparkly outfit. Congrats to Nappytabs from NIgel, he also loved the lighting, and congrats to lighting director Bob who was nominated for an Emmy. I wonder if Lighting Director Bob has a last name, or if he’s like Cher, and doesn’t need one? Both dancers were out of their comfort zone (but I’m pretty sure Emma’s had more hip hop training than JT), Emma’s rhythm came across, but Nigel felt uncomfortable watching JT, he didn’t have the style down very well, but not to fret, it’s something he can work on. Paula relates to tiny people, he is larger than life, but tiny people can’t articulate their bodies as well as normal size adults, but she wants JT to feel confident. Emma has tremendous stage presence. Maddie – YG are cute, personality shines through, she understands that hip hop is not the easiest. They will get there. Twitch: nice, sweet treat of funk. They have things to work on but they are dope and he calls them the swagtarts.

 

Kida talks but my feed is not good. He tells a bad joke, too. As far as Ice Age, he liked the wedding with the dancing. He said they had great moves.  Kida & Fik do their thang to TRNDSTTR, it’s very good if too short.

 

Tahani and Jake are dancing a piece about bullying by Bonnie Story (High School Musical choreographer). Jake says he was bullied for dancing. Tahani says the technique is hard for her. Maddie says they have the find the emotional side. Tell Your Heart to Beat Again by Danny Gokey. Jake is sad, Tahani sees he’s sad and shares that feeling. They aren’t in synch, but Tahani is great, dancing with real feeling and expression. There’s a hug. I think Jake acted it well but Tahani was the better dancer by a lot. Both kids are crying as they face the judges. Paula says the found the emotional center, congrats to them and the choreographer. Technically they were on point. Maddie said they did a great job, best she’s seen them do. Twitch will go out to get the bullies. He commends them on the love and support they had for each other in that performance, the eye connection was great. He is proud of them. Nigel agrees and says he enjoyed it. He tells Tahani he adores watching her. He thought she was amazing. He also loves to see Jake dance with someone his own size, gives him some technical advice.

 

Ruby loves Crash and Eddie in Ice Age. I don’t know who they are and I don’t care who they are. She’s not good at jokes, but she’s going to tell a bad one, too. She dances with Paul and looks like a full grown woman next to him. How tiny is Paul, anyway? The song is  Muchacho. It’s great. Ruby has star quality on stage.

 

Jordan finds home videos and corny jokes funny, and guess what? She tells a bad joke. The song is either by or called Pure 4 Shure. She is dancing with Sasha, It has a hip hop/contemp fusion feel, and they look good together.

 

Daniela and Sheaden dance with choreographer Umario Diallo, who has a chacha for them. Sheaden is a cool dude, and Daniela is trying to get his attention. It’s not an easy dance, and Daniela is frustrated because she is not getting it fast. Maddie relates to why Daniela is upset, and says Daniela needs to calm down and let her dance speak for itself. She knows they’ll get it. Shea is having a hard time but shows a great attitude. They dance to I Love It by Icona Pop So much gyrating. Shea doesn’t have to much to do at the start, and when he gets moving, his upper body is not quite right. Side by side they are pretty good together, but his posture isn’t right. Daniela is  beautiful. Maddie says it was good, the choreo was cute and she loved Shea’s commitment, he kept up, but she commented on his hunchy posture. She says Daniela should make sure her body and face match. Twitch – Daniela is on fire, she needs the fire to bring that caliente to bring her partner in. Nigel says Shea had his personality even  if he doesn’t have the technique. Nigel thought Umario gave him good stuff to do, good job especially for a hip hop dancer. He said he never would have known Daniela had a problem. Paula agrees with everyone.

 

Emma likes funny faces. Sid is her favorite Ice Age character. She makes funny faces instead of telling a bad joke. She and Gabby tap to Boogie Shoes. Great pirouettes. Super cute. Emma is just terrific at what she does.

 

Tate and Kida are paired together for a  Nappy Tabs farmer hip hop. Maddie digs it. Kida is impressed with Tate. Everyone tries turnips, no one likes them. The song is Monolo. Tate is excellent, not as good as Kida, but still. Kida gets a sweet moment there, a little godfather of soul reference. They look like they are having a great time and Kida does a little fist pumping about how it went. Twitch: turnips are now cool. Awesome, amazing. Nigel should not do hip hop jokes. Fantastic, Tate was great, could get farther down into it. Paula says incredible, choreographers will want to work with them and they can do it. Maddie: YG are incredible. So good, and she had so much fun at the rehearsal.

 

Jake favorite part of  Ice Age was when Scrat turns on gravity. Out of contest, that sounds bizarre. He tries to be funny by being upbeat. Jenna and Jake dance to Ain’t your Mama by Jennifer Lopez. It’s very cute choreography, choreographed by Jenna!

 

National Dance Day promo.

 

Nick and RJ choreograph an all-stars dance. Sasha is the queen and Robert is the king? I think? Nice, precise moves but others want to keep them apart? And now the Queen is dead, and so is the king. I missed the song it was set to. It was fine, nothing too exciting.

 

JT and Emma now have a Spencer Liff traditional Broadway, inspired by West Side Story. Maddie says they have to keep their energy steady. It’s set to The Jet Song, Dave Grusin. They look like Newsies. It’s cute. Emma is great the whole time, JT definitely seems to lose a little energy at the end. Nigel says WSS is his fave story of all time. Loves Spencer Liff’s choreo, would like to see more connection, but he thought JT was terrific (he was good, but Emma was better). Maddie loved it and points out JT looks like a tiny old man. Twitch thought they killed it. Paula also said something, but I missed it.

 

Tahani up next, her fave moment is when Buff is saving the egg, she loves his eye patch. Having not seen any Ice Age movies, I’m at a loss to explain that sentence. She thinks she’s a little funny, but more funny when she’s not trying to be funny.  Pep Rally by Missy Elliott w/Comfort, she’s great. Too short, I could watch this shit all day!

 

Daniela liked when Sid and the other sloth fell in love. She dances with Jonathan to Marchina by DJ SLVG . It’s very spinny and the end shows off her flexibility.

 

Jordan and Ruby have a Dee Caspary contemp. Ruby’s parents are splitting, so Jordan is helping Ruby pick up the pieces. The emotion feels strong right away. It looks much better on stage than in rehearsal. It’s quite lovely. Paula compliments Caspary, says it was very difficult choreography, but they pulled it together. She’s impressed with how well she did outside of her genre. Beautiful. Maddie agrees 100% creative choreo, and they found their connection. Twitch says they were consistent in their commitment.

 

Tate and Kida’s second routine is a Nick and RJ jazz routine. Kida confesses he took some ballet classes to prepare. Kida is a hard worker. Good costumes, oh, no, except the shorts for Kida. You can see differences in flexibility for sure, but Kida is doing well out of his style. There’s a great final pose. Maddie loved the choreo, and says they look like highlighters (they do!). Think they have a good groove together, the are a good partnership. Twitch agrees, said they had a good night, they both shine. Twitch compliments the chenay turns, cautions Kida to watch the details, shape of arms, etc. Nigel not many other hip hop dancers could have done as well asl Kida did. Paula says it was incredible, fun. .

 

JT likes slapstick. He is sarcastic. Bad joke. Change is Everything by Son Lux. I think Robert and JT have a good connection, but I think JT is still tired from his previous dance.

 

Daniela and Sheaden have Broadway with a prop throne. They are a bored prince and princess, and Spencer Liff says the dance is an homage to Fosse, precise and sharp. Sheaden is trying to flex his leg as much as Daniela can. Make sure they have fun and in character. Rich Man’s Frug from Sweet Charity! Everyone should watch the original choreography, btw.. Daniela is definitely better, Shaeden is trying his best, and even though it’s not his style, he’s keeping up. Same posture problems as earlier. Twitch, cool, some great things going on. Daniela has the legs of Cyd Charisse. Nigel says Fosse was unique, and he thought the choreography was a good tribute. Paula says Fosse is one her favorites, she loved the choreo, they had fun and they brought it out. Excellent, both of them. Maddie loved everything. Even though Sheaden doesn’t have the best technique, Maddie thinks he’s amazing to watch. Cat calls them divas.

 

Tahani and Jake do the Jive. The story is they have just escaped from jail. Tahana is scared of the tricks and says it has to be super energetic. Maddie seems to enjoy the rehearsal. Jailhouse Rock by JLew and the Crew. It’s hard to watch Jake when Tahani is on stage. They do a great job. Nigel – personality plus, technique, Tahani wasn’t on her toes enough but he didn’t care. Paula says they should come out of their shells. Brilliant routine. Maddie, YG were so good, they make her smile. Twitch proud of Tahani’s versatility. They say it was so much fun. Tahani said Jake helped her so much.

 

Everyone comes out. Someone is going to get eliminated. The judges tell them they should be so proud and points out that only two of the allstars are winners of their season. Bottom 2 dancers are: Daniela & Shaeden, one of them will be going home. After discussing the judges are going to send home Daniela comes in 10th place.
I totally called both the bottom two and which one would go home, you can ask my husband.

You’re The Worst

One of the downfalls of freeing myself from cable is that I have to wait for some shows to be available through legal sources (because I’m a goody two shoes*). My sweetheart and I watched and enjoyed YTW season 1 but had to wait until August 1, 2016 to see season 2, while season 3 will start August 31 on FX(X?).

Like Seinfeld before it, You’re the Worst is about people who are, in fact, the worst (except Edgar, who is the best). Jimmy is a know-it-all misanthrope; Gretchen is a self-medicating depressed bitch; Lindsay is a manipulative bitch, and Edgar takes care of all these people while also suffering from PTSD.

What I love about this show is that it is tonally different from other comedies about terrible people – these people are flawed like real human beings are, they aren’t just cartoonish evil. Jimmy is terrified that he’s a one-hit wonder and is afraid to fail, so he prefers to not do anything. Gretchen is sharp, smart and funny but her mental illness is lurking in the background, rendering her incapable of making better choices. Lindsay is insecure and hates herself so much that she rejects those who love her and care about her.

We blew through the first four episodes of season 2 in one night. If we aren’t careful we’ll be through the season by Sunday, and then we’ll have to go back to reading books.

*Books like Goody Two-Shoes, perhaps, which is where the term comes from.

SYTYCD: New York Auditions

Cat Deely loses an arm wrestling match.

Two kind of tough looking liittle NYC boys do hip hop, with a Magic Mike themed dance, naturally. Their mother (or the mother of one of them) strikes me as cray. They are kinda cute. I’m not sure if they have enough moves but they are very entertaining.  I can’t catch their names – Jake and RJ? Arjan? Not sure. They are going to to the Dance Academy

Next we meet Ruby, she has grown up in a dance studio. She’s doing Latin ballroom. Her dad is her teacher and she loves dancing – and she’s the US Jr. Champion in Latin ballroom. She’s doing a solo, and she is exuding confidence and swagger. Her dad can barely contain himself – he’s dancing away while he sits down. Nigel is going to have her dad dance with her. Good lifts, they are adorable together. She’s obvs moving on.

Tate is 12 and from Canada. Her mother is her dance teacher, her father is a lawyer, her brother is a Canadian stereotype (hockey player). She goes to a strict ballet school – wow, she has a busy schedule! Dance all morning, academics in the afternoon, then contemporary/modern dance training. Her routine is a combination of modern/ballet. She’s really lovely, very mature for someone so young, she’s making me cry a little. Her face is great, she’s selling this. Terrific routine. Paula thinks she’s a gift from god. Nigel thinks the All Stars are going to be fighting over her. She’s in.

Montage of talented kids! We see some ballroomers, a gorgeous contemporary boy, hip hop girl. They are all moving fwd.

Valeryia and Alex will perform ballroom. They are really good, and it’s kind of cute choreo instead of sexy. They really look like they are having a great time, too. Nigel warns Alex about keeping his mouth open (good note, the kid was gaping!)

(commercial break)
Oh, jeez, Lethal Weapon as a TV show. And a series about a woman MLB pitcher! (end commercial break)

Unusual talents! Eyebrows, Rubiks cube speed solving, headspins while brushing teeth, on command burper.

We meet a 13 year old tap dancer, Lucas. He says girls love guys who can dance, and as a former girl, ITA. He likes tapping because he gets to be a musician with his feet. We have James Brown music He’s very good, and gets a standing O. Derulo didn’t think Lucas’ face was in the performance, although his taps are clean. Nigel thinks he’s one of the best tappers ever on SYTYCD, though he agrees with Jason re: Lucas’ face, but criticisms aside, Lucas is going to the Dance Academy.

Joshua and Liza. Liza is a character. She says Joshua saw her dancing and thought she was cute, so now he’s dancing with her and she says he no longer thinks she’s so cute. Joshua will buy a Lamborghini for his parents if they don’t force him to use it for college. They are very cute. Jason says Liza is not as good as some of the others they’ve seen – she’s certainly not as polished as some of the ones they’ve shown. She’s a cutie, though. She’s not going through but Josh is.

Kai is 12 and is a breakdancer. He dances with grown-ups, the Dynamic Rockers. He’s the youngest member. He wants to be a dancer, but he’s worried he won’t get paid well enough. He will not lend Cat money for shoes (wise move, my friend!) He brought his parents, sister and a couple of members of his crew. Super energetic, windmills, he’s cute. He seems so serious! Maybe it’s nerves. He does a little dance with his crew, the audience is loving it. Nigel says yes, Paula and Jason follow, he’s going to the Dance Academy.

Montage of great NYC hip hoppers.

(commercial break)
Emoji version of the old Cindy Crawford Pepsi ad. Get off my lawn, Pepsi emojis!

Merck, step back from the manipulation on the HPV vaccine! I had my daughters get vaccinated but damn, that is a hard ad campaign! (end commercial break)

JD is a dancer and a wrestler and a cutie. He is still freaking adorable when he makes a mean face. He crushes Cat.

Douglas, aka Dougie, gets a sweet pep talk from his mother. He used to attend an after school dance program, and one of the workers there made fun of him because he liked ballet – the director of the after school program fired that person. Mom said the director then put a picture up of Dougie dancing, and said it empowered him. He does jazz, he’s been in Kinky Boots and Motown! He’s sparkly and cute. He’s a good little mover and a showman. I’m not sure if he has the dance vocabulary – very club dancing kind of stuff. Oh, hey, Nigel says the same thing. He’s a little behind on the technique. I think they will put him through, though. And they do.

(commercial break)
Tim Tebow is now a TV show host. I suppose one day he’ll be a Republican candidate for president too, since they have such low standards. (end commercial break)

Olivia is 12, from Rochester. She is a snake in her dance, no story. She’s just a snake. She’s the final dancer. She’s very strong, very cool starting pose and I like her music. I like how her family are all watching her with their heads tilted down. She is controlled and super flexible. I don’t know why they let Jason talk  – he says it was like a painting. She’s going to the Dance Academy

Next week – dance academy begins!